the story

The Story of my Life

if  a Story is in You, it has to come out

As mentioned once or twice in the past, Buddy has lots of great stories, and over the years we have enjoyed listening to them and have encouraged him to write them down. Some day, maybe when I retire... he always says. Here is the latest attempt to inspire him to get started, not a homemade gift, but a last minute one with a personal note that makes it oh so special, thanks Sarah!!!

(for Buddy)

There are so many things passed from one generation to the next -- a beloved family home, land your family can build and grow on, skills and talents shared. But the most treasured of all is the story of family and the very special frame of reference each of us has to offer. Hopefully your upcoming retirement allows you the time to share yours! 

♥ Sarah

AND we all heard Buddy on Christmas morning say to Madison (of the bookbinding skills), "When I write my book, will you bind it for me?"

Shall We Gather

We have had many family gatherings at Tumblin Waters over the years, birthdays and holidays and picnics and sliding down the waterfalls, but two will stand out in my memory and both involve sister Kay. The Wedding almost 45 years ago, Christmas 1973, and last Sunday's funeral/celebration of life also for Kay.

For far too many years now we have mourned the absence of our parents from our family gatherings. Being the oldest generation is hard to get used to, we became The Elders, and Kay was The Eldest as I often liked to remind her. But losing one of our own generation is like taking a gut punch, a wake up call, a reminder that there is more sand in the bottom of the hourglass than in the top.

Shall We Gather at the creek… the setting was perfect, a cool fall day, blue sky, the background sounds of the stream flowing by and the breeze in the towering trees, the warmth of a campfire to gather around. Kay would love it, I could imagine her there watching over us and smiling, especially when she saw so many of us in Tennessee Orange in her honor (thanks Michelle for that idea!).

It is nice having a resident clergy in the family, Heidi did an excellent job honoring Kay, leading us in the old songs, telling stories of her namesake and aunt Kay. Sue read a letter from Kay to her Daddy. Ethan reminded us Kay was not just the cat lady but had strong beliefs in other areas including working with the underprivileged and politics. The family then climbed up to the Upper Falls to scatter Kay's ashes in one of her favorite places on Turkey Creek, happy memories shared of eating watermelon in the creek and sliding down the falls.

During the service, the occasional baby cry served as a reminder that although we lost one, life goes on. Just look around and you will see the future of this family, the babies being passed around between aunts and uncles and grandparents, and the little ones gathered around the campfire and playing in the creek.

A live well lived, Kay is gone from our sight but not our hearts, we will miss her dearly. Hopefully she is now free of her ailments and can visit with all of those gone before her - her mother and daddy, two-mama, hey maybe she will get to meet Pat Summitt!

the cat lady

are there any stray cats in heaven? If so, y’all gather at the gate, soon you will all be taken care of because the cat lady is on her way…

A champion of kids and old folks and animals, Kay worked over the years as an educator, a social worker at DFACS and the nursing home, and in her off time she rescued animals, fed them, took them to the vet, placed them in caring homes, we are talking hundreds of animals over the many years.

Born a city girl, Kay loved these north Georgia mountains, loved to hike them and camp out in them. She moved to the mountains and lived as an independent soul until one day the love of her life dropped in. We had dubbed her a spinster, but she found someone to put up with all of her quirks, and a fellow animal lover. This feller had a beautiful farm which she loved, lots of room for animals and kids to roam.

I had no sisters growing up but was blessed to earn three as an adult, one of which was my sister and best friend, Kay. Rest well my friend, and take care of those heavenly cats!  

Kay Curbow 3/24/1942 - 10/11/2018

so many stories

All of these lines across my face

Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I've been

And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything

When you've got no one to tell them to

~from Brandi Carlile The Story

the gathering together for a family construction project was almost fun at first...

this family has so many stories, I so wish I had gotten Kay's stories down before it was too late 

keeping in touch

Wow 22 years, has it been that long since we have seen your smiling face? You were always smiling it seems, at least that's how I remember you. You won't believe all that has been happening here on Burnt Mountain. Of course you know that Heidi is taking good care of the homeplace that you built on Turkey Creek way back in the 50s. Lots of work and love has gone into that house the last few years, and we all love gathering there on Christmas Eve, carrying on the tradition you and Inez started many years ago before there was a house on the creek.

But wait, there's more! Jenny is a grandma, Heidi is a grandma, Sue is a great-grandma, so you know what that makes you - great-great grandpa, and to 3 little ones! Zachary and Jace and Lilianna, such sweet babies that will be playing in the creek and sliding down the waterfalls, just like all the other kids over the years.

We are reminded of your passing every year when the local newspaper or Facebook posts (I know you are saying - what is Facebook?) about the loss of local Deputy Brett Dickey who was killed on the same day that you left us. Those public reminders every year sometimes make me want to say - he's not the only one to be remembered on that day! He was a great guy by all accounts, maybe you met him - you were both at the same funeral home, folks were lined up out the door all to see the fallen deputy. We had to make our way through the crowds just to see you. And the poor florist shop was swamped - the day before Valentine's (the biggest flower day of the year) and the funerals too. Funny the things we remember. Mostly we remember you and how you were always there for all of us and we appreciate it so much, I hope you know that.

More news for you! We all attended a wedding this weekend for your great-grandson Kyle. The place was full of friends and family - Sue's family of 16, along with our 14 (soon to be 15), it was a great celebration. I hope you and Inez had good seats to watch - the rainy ceremony, the kids all dancing, the babies being passed around, it was great fun. Your legacy carries on - did you happen to see Kyle working in the woodshop on the wedding arbor? Now that would make you smile!

Well, I just wanted to check in and let you know we are thinking of you on this day and missing you lots. I hope you have a workshop there to keep you busy. Say HI to Inez for us, til next time…

Papaw Tidwell 07/21/1916 - 02/13/1996

cabin with a view

I could have stayed all weekend at the cabin just looking out at the view.

Buddy had this great idea of renting a cabin in the Smokies and taking all the kids and grandkids to Dollywood. Reservations and plans were made, Dollywood tickets bought, then the wildfires came to the area. We watched the terrible news unfold and our hearts went out to all the families affected. The fires were still being fought, the roads were closed into the area, we heard that some rental cabins were totally destroyed in the area we had reserved, our plans were on hold. But then we heard that our cabin was fine, we saw the Mayor of Gatlinburg in a video on Facebook saying, "We will be back open for business on Friday morning Dec 9th, y'all please come back to see us!" So we did. Miraculously everything opened up that morning right on schedule, the town, the roads, the restaurants. We drove through the mountains and saw the scorched earth, the Smokies were living up to their name, you could smell it in the air.

Check in was at 4 p.m. so we arrived in time for sunset and moon rise over the mountains. The deck faced Mount Leconte, an awesome unobstructed view.

Friday night the kids were hyped up, trying out all the entertainment at the cabin - foosball, pool, air hockey, arcade games.

They couldn't figure out the arcade game console, with 4 IT specialists and one engineering student and one grandpa puzzling over it. Probably needed an 8-year-old to push the right button or combination of buttons, but there was plenty of other stuff to do.

The call went out for everyone to gather in the living room to play Cards Against Humanity, a game the kids had brought. It was funny watching them getting set up and telling each other hurry and come play because Buddy and Susan are playing, it will be so fun to watch them read these cards out loud. They tried to explain to us the goal of the game and how to win, etc., but apparently they just wanted to hear their mild mannered grandparents say bad words. Well if that is what they like, then they should just ride along with grandpa when he is driving, especially if it is a roundabout or 4 way stop. Or hang with granma when a snake comes crawling across the camper floor. What happened to the fun kid games like Life when we used to snicker about having babies?

Melissa and I were up at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday waiting and watching for the sun rise, it was 17 degrees outside so we were watching through the window. Then a big breakfast of bacon, sausage, biscuits, waffles, before heading to Dollywood. 

This cabin has windows on 3 sides, 3 levels, did I mention the awesome view?

The cabin was big enough for everyone to spread out which is good with 12 'adults'.  Yes our youngest grandchild is 19 now, so all big folks who can entertain themselves, drive themselves wherever they want to go. The big plan at Dollywood was the kids would all ride rides while us old folks stayed warm in the shows. The first show on our list was the new "It's A Wonderful Life". The show was almost over when I got a text, 'we are right outside waiting for you'.  I hoped nothing was wrong, and as we exited with the throng of folks, we found all 10 of them standing there looking like little lost kids, "The rides are all closed because of the cold weather, what do we do now?"

Thankfully the rides started running after the temperature warmed up a little more, and they got to experience the Lightning Rod and Eagle. Aren't you going to ride grandma? I have ridden everything here at least once, so no, not today, wind chill is not my favorite thing to experience.

So a long day of park walking, being entertained by our crew of millennials and their parents, my fitbit says I walked 17,000 steps, what does yours say? and eating good food, drinking lots of hot chocolate, standing in line to buy cinnamon bread, riding the train, and seeing the millions of lights transform the park at night, it was a good day. The sun was out and it warmed up to maybe 40 at one point.

One goal of the weekend was a group family photo, the suggestion was to make it on the deck with the mountains in the background, but construction guru Buddy nixed that plan - we don't want to be on the news… Georgia family falls as deck collapses… so we opted for an inside shot with the windows in the background.

Sunday night everyone was back home safe and sound, the kids were posting pictures on Facebook, and Sarah summed it up nicely: The family vacation was a success!

~more pictures HERE

just one more slice of pie

sometimes we forget to be thankful

sometimes we are thankful to be forgetful 

Kay: Those pies look so good, could I have just a sliver of pecan pie?

Ken: You already had a whole slice of pecan pie with ice cream on top and a sliver of pumpkin.

Kay: (looking doubtful at him) no, I don't think I have had any pie yet... 

Kay, what is that on your purse?

She looked closer and read it out loud, I am a Georgia Voter

So did you vote in the election?

Yes I did.

Who did you vote for?

mmm (thinking) well it was the Democrat but I don't remember his name

Hillary?

oh it was a woman? that's good! (face lights up)

yes it was! girl power! but she lost

(face falls) oh well at least she tried

We are thankful to have Thanksgiving with the family once again. It is usually the same - the same food, same place, same sentiment.

But each year there are differences. The kids and grandkids are now cooking and bringing covered dishes to granma's house. We had some new dishes this year - pecan pie, shepherd's pie, ratouille.

The youngest in the family is 19 and full of excitement and adventure and plans for the future. The eldest is 74 and wishes she could remember being that young, you see our sister Kay is struggling with memory.

But we remember for her, reminding her of how she used to be young and full of passion to save the world, a champion for kids and animals, how she used to be a social worker at the Family and Children Services and at the nursing home. 

We told the story of Thanksgiving 1973 when she brought her new fella to dinner, how they met when he turned up her driveway on his motorcycle. Kay: "Yes it was the motorcycle that did it for me". Ken: "The day that I made a wrong turn." It is fun to remember and to tell the stories for Kay. 

We are thankful that Kay still remembers us, thankful for Kennon who takes care of her, makes sure she takes her meds, fixes her meals, and everything else he does. 

sometimes we forget to be thankful

sometimes we are thankful to be forgetful

to forget that you already had pie

to forget who won the election

yes, it actually sounds like a wonderful world to live in, Kay, go ahead and have another piece of pie

family veterans

As she stood looking out over the NY harbor she wondered what was she doing here, about to board this giant gray ship and travel to the other side of the world?  Her thoughts were interrupted by the squeeze of a small hand in hers, the young boy said, "Mama the line is moving!" Up the gangplank they walked along with the other women and children and babies, lots of babies.

It was 1948 and the ship was the USS Buckner, former troop ship converted for dependent transport, headed to Japan.

They met while both stationed at Fort Benning, Georgia, and married after the war was over, Christmas 1945. She quit her job making parachutes, well more like they no longer required her service, because the war was over. But before long the orders came in for him to go to Japan for the Occupation, rebuilding of the war-torn country. So she was alone with her son in Georgia, until word came that wives and children were to come too. She was skeptical but he said they would be living right on Yokohama Bay and it really was beautiful.

So here she was in New York, after a long train ride from Georgia. The ship would leave and go south through the Panama Canal and out into the Pacific Ocean, a trip of six weeks or so. At first it was an adventure but not for long. The ship was full of dependent wives and babies. The babies were sick and crying nonstop. She decided if she ever got off this boat she didn't want to see a baby for a long time, much less have one of her own. Be careful what you say.

Her second son was born in Japan. Living on the bay was hard on her lungs, having asthma. The doctor would send her to the mountains to recover, the higher elevation air dryer and thinner. This fact would come into play many years later when they retired in 1964 and moved to the mountains of north Georgia.

~family stories - James Austin US Army, Alma Austin WAC, little Jimmy Austin, baby John born in Japan - Veterans Day 2016

the ledger

This is it, the infamous ledger of Mrs. Tidwell.

A purchase from Woolworth for 79 cents. The first entry was for Sue's 1964 Rambler. Just look at that fancy cursive writing! Seeing that is like hearing a song from the past, memories flood in, Inez and her cooking, sewing, bookkeeping. She was a secretary back in the day when that was a good job, working at the Carpenter's Local Union hall keeping records.

We were lucky to have parents who were willing to help us out when we were in a bind, either with a helping hand or monetarily. But if it was to do with $, it went into The Ledger.

I don't think any of us ever saw it until after her death, but we all knew it was there, that records were being kept and we were expected to honor our debts.

We all had our own sections, with a tab for our names and lines and lines of debits and credits. What she could do with a ledger page and adding machine tape rivals the digital spreadsheets we use now. Extensive notes on why and how and when were documented. And once it was in the ledger, you either paid it off when you could, or you would pay later, which some of us ended up doing, our part of accounts owed coming out of her estate way down the road. 

Going through old files lately, shredding old tax returns etc. But not this, this is a keeper :)

down time

After working 6 days a week for months now, Buddy was coming home for a 3 day weekend. In a moment of weakness he emailed that he would like to just sit down at the falls and rest, have a campfire, and for me to see if any of the neighbors wanted to stop by to talk. The neighbors on both sides are kin, so I sent out a group message to share his invitation (before he changed his mind). Then the next day I get this e-mail outlining all the work that he needs to do at home and maybe postpone the R&R at the falls for another time. I refused and insisted on the down time. So it actually happened, it didn't rain, and was a very nice time spent.

Not one of the BIG official family gatherings that happen maybe twice a year, but just a casual drop in if you want to, it was good to see some of the kids and grandkids.

The waterfalls are popular with other neighbors who often hike back there on the weekend. This time we were happy to see some folks we have not seen in a long time, two of the Smith boys and their kids. It was also good to see little kids in the creek again, so excited to be walking up the creek, climbing the rocks, having a great time.

The newest addition to the family, puppy Georgia wanted to play with big sister Sophie, and they had a good time, separately.

Matt liked to play in the creek, looking for crayfish or spring lizards, moving rocks, he really wanted to build a dam.

We had watermelon and salty peanuts and s'mores and boiled peanuts. We heard some old stories from Joey Smith and some new stories from our grandkids, snippets of conversation…

don't ever put your toothbrush in the dishwasher

how to make a jager bomb

how to turn yourself over when your kayak is upside down

s'mores made with Reese's cups

which trees to use for hammock

where to buy boiled peanuts - you have to get them from the guy on the side of the road just before you get to the dump, those are the best, not mushy like gas station boiled peanuts

We have our token Yankee in the group, well not Yankee in the derogatory sense, and not really Yankee since she is from Ohio, but Allison has the attitude that keeps Kyle in line, fun to watch, a good match. And she is slowly embracing the Southern life - bringing the boiled peanuts!

thanks everyone for sharing in Buddy's down time, resting, talking, making memories, til next time...

vintage lace

My mom still has her wedding dress, it's in a K-Mart bag in her attic.

Sitting around the table at the last family gathering, so many conversations going on at once, this one line from one conversation stands out, from Carrie.

I don't know why that came up, but it seems like it got quiet right then and everyone heard it. And everyone looked at me.

Me: Yes, that's true.

Carrie (to the girls): Y'all should go try it on.

Madison: We tried it on a long time ago, it didn't fit.

Keith (looking at each one around the table): I don't think it would fit anyone here, except for maybe Daniel.

All: Why? What size is it?

Me: I don't know the actual size, I weighed about 100 pounds soaking wet…

All the girls: Oh well, not me…

Daniel: What are y'all talking about? Why do you want me to try on a wedding dress?

LOL the things you hear at family gatherings, but that got me thinking and since I am in the cleaning out mode this week, got out the K-Mart bag and checked out the dress. It is actually in very good condition. The color is not - It started out as ivory, now a little darker.

This is the dress now, just out of the bag. I tried to find a good picture from 43 years ago but 99% of the wedding photos had the bouquet right front and center. This is how I would describe it - color ivory, high-waisted, sweetheart neckline, cap sleeves, bodice was satin covered in lace, skirt was satin covered in ? chiffon maybe. But the official description in the 'society section' of the Blue Ridge Newspaper went like this:

That beautiful description was no doubt written by my sweet wedding coordinator (aka the local florist) who did a wonderful job, thanks Sue Beaver. If I had known there would be such a fancy description maybe I would have been more nervous when sewing it - actually it was just a little homemade number whipped up in my spare time. Speaking of whipping, I learned to roll & whip the entire length and width edge of that train, whew!

Google tells me how to DIY clean your vintage wedding dress. Actually there were quite a few articles about this, then I saw why - it seems the vintage look is in for brides, either they are wearing old dresses or the dresses are being repurposed for use by the descendents of the original wearer into things like ring bearer pillows, flower girl dress, or christening gowns.

So what do you think? Just dunk it into the bathtub like Google says?  

Anyone need something old? something borrowed? 

I will save the K-Mart bag just in case, it was apparently a very efficient way to preserve something.

snuggle up and read

Jesse and Leah's baby shower - she requested books instead of cards, this was our contribution:

Zachary, You come from a long line of builders, generations of carpenters, the sawdust is in your veins, too. Building things and using tools and equipment can be lots of fun, but my advice is - not for a job. Stay in school, get a good job so you won't have to work out in the snow and ice and heat and mud. ~uncle "Muddy" Buddy

and of course a quilt for the little superhero :)

Zachary, Here is something to cover you and keep you warm, to lay on and look at the sky, to drag around, to make a tent, whatever you can dream up. Stay safe and warm and enjoy. Love, aunt Susan

a letter to mom

Mothers Day 2016 - I should've been nicer...

So if your mother has passed away, can she still see you and hear your thoughts? Or maybe she haunts you? I think mine does.

Dear Mom,

Growing up, I did not appreciate you, or even like you at times. But now you pop into my head often, mostly while typing medical reports when one of your diagnoses comes up. (No, doc, I don't need to quit smoking because I don't inhale.) I think of you when seeing vintage shows with things like TV dinners, Elvis, or old movies where everyone was smoking. I think of you often, wishing I had been a better daughter. After having two boys you wanted a little girl more than anything and finally got me - ungrateful kid.

You were tough, strong willed (Sergeant Mom). You had to overcome hardships in your early life. You didn’t get to graduate high school because your father made you go to work. You worked at countless sewing factories. You enlisted into the Army and made parachutes at Fort Benning during WWII. You lived in Japan during The Occupation. You were a rock, hard but supportive, and the foundation of our family. Dad was very laid back and calm, you were opposites. I always said I take after dad, but I hope there is some of you in there, too.

I remember you drinking and smoking and cussing, real warm and fuzzy memories :). You were a larger than life character, loved to laugh and dance and have a good time. Everyone always loved you and I often wondered why, my perspective was selfish and clouded. Just because you were not the ideal of mom in my head (June Cleaver), I shouldn't have held that against you.

Some of the things I learned from you I took into my own adulthood, like not to smoke or drink or cuss... like not caring what other people think, like being yourself, and like making the most of life wherever you end up, making every stop along the way into a home (army life - you always said you moved 21 times in 20 years).

I think of how you turned that 4 room shack into a home for us when we moved to the mountains. Living on Army retirement of $250 a month, you used skills learned long ago like planting a garden and canning vegetables and raising chickens. We sold strawberries and eggs for money to live on. You made all of my clothes, including prom dresses, and taught me to do the same. And I never wanted for anything. You took us to Sunday School and church wherever we were living, often knocking heads with the church ladies who tried to run everything :)

I think of you when I am sewing or crocheting or knitting, how you taught me those skills, and now I am passing those down to my family. I wonder if you know that, are you watching?

When my own kids and grandkids are so nice to me and love me, I think how devastating it would be if they thought of me or treated me like I did you - hurrying to move away, hardly ever visiting, never calling.

I was selfish to think that I had to put up with you as a mother, (it was all about me) but it was the other way around, you had to put up with me, the ungrateful daughter. But you loved me anyway unconditionally, a lesson I need to learn.

Over the years I had a hard time finding greeting cards that were not mushy, now I know that you would have loved one of those traditional Mother's Day cards.

I didn't show you love when you were alive, and now I regret it, you just wanted a little girl, someone to teach all the girl stuff to, and now that I am using your skills to teach my grandkids, I just wanted to thank you. 

Maybe I am writing this now because I have finally matured enough? (Or maybe I don't want you to haunt me)... either way it is overdue - I love you mom, thanks for everything. Happy Mother's Day !