Wednesday, June 30, 2010

weighing in

She rushes from work to her weekly weight loss meeting. Everyone is so friendly and supportive there, calling out to her as she arrives. "Are you ready to weigh in?"

"Not yet,"
she tells them.

She heads for the restroom (did you know that water weighs 8 pounds a gallon?). While there she shucks off her work clothes and dons her short shorts and tank top. Back in the meeting room she hears, "Ready now?"

"Not quite."

She sets down her purse which now looks like a laundry basket and takes off her shoes before stepping up to the scale.


Back to the purse - off with the watch and rings and earrings. She seemed to be consulting a mental check list - glasses came off, pockets checked. Back again to the scale, foot poised to step up and...


Whoosh goes the gum into the wastebasket.

"Ok, ready now."

The scale tells no lie, all of her hard work preparing for the scale (I mean dieting) has paid off, the announcement is made:

"Weight loss! 1/10 of a pound! Woohoo!" An atta-girl sticker for her!

She finds a seat and starts putting things back on, exhausted by the ordeal - hey maybe the stress of weighing in will shed a few ounces? Since she has not eaten all day in preparation for this weigh-in, she is starving so she searches her purse for that emergency Snickers bar.

Next in comes Bob, one of the few men who come to these meetings, here only 6 weeks and lost 30 pounds already - geesh! Straight in from work with heavy boots and jeans and a big ol' wad of keys dangling from his belt, he walks right up and onto the scale.

"Another 5 pounds! Great Job! Everyone give Bob a hand."

Underneath the lackluster applause could be heard the collective groan of a roomful of women - grrrr.

As the leader starts in on this week's message on portion control or keeping a food journal or eating out tips, her mind drifts - what to do before next week's weigh-in? Maybe she could get a hair cut... Hey, there's a blood drive this weekend... mmmm what about organ donation...


Sandra Henderson said...

Oh my gosh Susan!~This is so wonderful! Why is it that men can loose weight so easily!?!? lol
I love this. You are such a great writer!

Lainee said...

It's like that when they make me get on the scale at the Dr's office!

Can't wait for the weather to break so I can read or sew out on the porch!

colleen said...

I've wondered if I held my breath or cut my hair would I weigh less. I only ever want to lose 5 pounds. It's been a different 5 pounds throughout my life.

Motherkitty said...

It's because most men are full of hot air. (Air doesn't weigh that much, does it?)

Been there, done that with WW. Hated it. After several months of torture and being hungry all the time, lost a total of 11 lbs which was soon regained after I quit torturing myself.

Pam said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in awhile, Susan ;)
And its all so true its downright sad, dagnabit!

Kermit said...

I had to go on a second diet because I could not get enough food on the first one!!

Jean said...

Know what you mean...why does it have to be so hard?

dot said...

Haha. That's funny but true. All because Eve ate the apple I suppose.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh how funny... Weighing in can be either terrible or good depending upon the results....

I finally have learned --after all of these many years-- to eat healthy and exercise and not worry so much about the NUMBERS....